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23 Apr

FOR ME, THE INNER WAR HAS NEVER ENDED

jennysala Uncategorized 0 0

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My name is Douglas Gillert, and I am a Vietnam Veteran.

I enlisted in the Marines while I was still in high school, mostly because I yearned for a broader life experience. I had never left the state of Michigan until I flew to San Diego for boot camp. I wanted to go to college downstate, probably at Michigan State University, but Dad said I’d have to go to the local junior college at least a year and remain living with my parents. I fled the coop, instead. I served with the USMC from 1967 to 1971 and later the USAF from 1972 to 1991 and retired on December 31, 1991 with the rank of Senior Master Sergeant (E-8).
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My father was a B-29 pilot, based in Saipan during WW II. My uncle was a fighter pilot in the European theater during WWII and another uncle served as a sailor and was twice sunk by Japanese torpedoes in the Western Pacific. My maternal grandfather served with the Army in Washington DC during WW I. My paternal grandfather was a sergeant major in the Army during WWI and was gassed in the trenches but survived with decreased emotional capacity. My future brother-in-law landed with the Marines at Chu Lai, Vietnam in 1965. My father, uncles, and maternal grandfather talked of their experiences and my dad shared with me books and magazines that depicted his service during WW II. My brother-in-law occasionally would share his experiences. I’ve never been able to share my experiences directly but instead chose to write about them, often using fiction and poetry to tell my stories.
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I was always a journalist in the military. I received no formal training but picked up the trade fairly easily, since I had always enjoyed writing, and also self-trained in using 35mm cameras and later digital cameras to illustrate many of the stories I reported on. The cruelty shown by Viet Cong and South Vietnamese, as well as by many of my fellow Marines was difficult for me to absorb and make any sense of. I think the constant tension of being caught up in actual battles hung over me as it did all of us, so that we never could fully relax. I came to be not in fear of but conscious of potential doom all the time. I didn’t want to experience extreme physical pain and fortunately was never physically wounded in battle, but the psychological wounds turned out to be a lot more difficult, I suppose. Such feelings of impending demise stayed with me since my time in battle so that I found it impossible to commit to lasting relationships or even fully commit to my work although by going back in the service I could cope well with these feelings in the work place and had a highly successful military career. However, I was married and divorced three times and still struggle with a lack of a true sense of peace and security. For me, the inner war has never ended…
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I remember when we arrived at Long Beach and there were beautiful American women in bright sundresses waiting for our arrival. Well, it turned out they were there to greet the sailors, not us Marines, who were escorted down a gangplank out of sight of the spectators and bused unnoticed to Camp Pendleton. At home, it was subdued, and I felt no great sense of welcoming from anyone. Nobody wanted to talk about Vietnam, and when I left the Marines and returned to Northern Michigan, there was no interest in my service from family or friends. After 18 months and marriage (even my new wife was disinterested in my war experience, I decided I would be happier back in uniform and joined the Air Force.
I became a correspondent again, covering the globe as a senior reporter with the Defense Department’s American Forces Press Service. Having been selected among this group of writers and the four years I spent as one of them was the highlight of my career. The group photo is our crew and was taken on my last day at the American Forces Press Service in January 2000. Pictured left to right is Kathy Rhem, Jim Garamone, Linda Kosaryn, Doug Gillert and Rudy Williams. Mr. William is deceased.
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After leaving the press, I got divorced, moved to Michigan with a new love interest and then to West Virginia, got married again, moved some more, then separated and lived alone at the beach for a couple of years before meeting a good woman who perhaps is the only one who I’ve ever been able to share my experiences and feelings completely. We live in the coastal mountains above Ventura CA with a large fenced yard, two dogs and a cat, and a pair of Sequoias soaring from our back yard. I am more interested now in putting together the “shared memoir” of my and others’ combat experiences.

I have interviews planned for the summer months and beyond and will be traveling from California to San Antonio early summer and on across to Florida, up to North Carolina and then likely cutting a much longer planned journey short by two weeks, and shooting across to Oklahoma, up to Kansas, on to Denver area and home. If you’re in my path and want to share your story, let me know. You can find me on Facebook @ www.facebook.com/douglas.gillert?fref=ts

I’m eager to talk with you.
~ Douglas Gillert, A Vietnam Veteran and author of THE ORCHARD TRAIL
amazon.com/Orchard-Trail-Stoney-Jacks-Trilogy…/…/ref=sr_1_1… …

We wish to thank Douglas for sharing his story with Comes A Soldier’s Whisper, where we are all connected.
God Bless all who serve and keep us safe.

Veteran Tributes: www.facebook.com/ComesASoldierswhisper

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Music: Mind War by Davide Raia

 
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