My 101st Airborne father used to say, “We all have our cross to bear.”

I was intrigued and puzzled by this statement, for in my child’s eyes, my father could do no wrong. And even though many years later, certain things came into play, he can still do no wrong. For those of you following my daily Comes A Soldier’s Whisper postings paying homage to our veterans and history, I rarely touch on the combat fatigue aspect, but when I did, the viewer numbers soared. And still, I stayed away from this very personal and private matter… Perhaps it is because the topic is so close to home, my home, my heart, and it reminds. But here goes anyway.

The book Comes A Soldier’s Whisper is a collection of my father’s wartime letters written home to his then sweetheart who later became his wife and my mother. These letters were written between 1943-1945. Overall, the book has received lovely reviews which can be found on the website in the Share A Story page @ www.comesasoldierswhisper.com But one recent review on the Magic City Morning Star made reference that he was disappointed to find these letters, in his opinion, “sanitized and lacking in poverty, suffering and survival details.” For those looking for blood, guts and gore, you will not find it within this book. In my opinion, this review serves as a wonderful example and talking point for battle fatigue and PTSD. And for that, I am grateful for this reviewer’s comments. It is clear, however that he did not read the entire book, as the best letters are written “after” the battles in 1945 and after the censorship was lifted.

The paratroopers were sworn to keep war details and locations out of their letters, and when they forgot, the government reminded by “censoring” them. My father’s letters although written during wartime do not actually contain the gruesome war details, but rather the sentiments of one soldier engaged in war and battles with his thoughts leading to love, honor and sacrifice. There are many references to his feelings and sadness of his journey through war. But the reader must be open to read between the lines. The letters are also a trip down memory lane for those who lived during the greatest generation and an education in how our parents and grandparents lived for those who did not.

I have been writing that war changes the solider. It changes his family too. This is true. I know that I am not alone in understanding how those changes affected my family and me as an individual. You see, my father suffered from old war injuries from receiving shrapnel in his knee cap which would lock up from time to time preventing him from getting up from a seated position. He eventually had this corrected through surgery. He suffered severe and blinding headaches resulting from what they used to call shell shock. He cried out in the middle of many nights reliving old battles and the horror of death. He developed a hair trigger temper to an otherwise gentle disposition. His belief in God was also challenged, as he would say, “If there was a God, he would not have allowed so many to die.” Memories of Dad recalling frozen dead soldiers stacked up like cored wood, seeing a friend vaporize into thin air, pilfer and pillage and the raping of women in villages by German soldiers. All of this had a huge impact on me as a little girl, but nothing came near the times when he threatened to kill himself and leave with his hunting rifle. The house became silent. My mother was silent. I didn’t move or speak. He always returned with everyone acting as though nothing happened….

How many children and families can relate? I am not alone in this. And so I have chosen an excerpt from The Pretender’s song:

I’ll Stand By You

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don’t be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
’cause I’ve seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don’t know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you

So if you’re mad, get mad
Don’t hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I’m a lot like you
When you’re standing at the crossroads
And don’t know which path to choose
Let me come along
’cause even if you’re wrong

I’ll stand by you
I’ll stand by you
Won’t let nobody hurt you
I’ll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you
~ The Pretenders

Jenny Tharp La Sala
COMES A Soldier’s Whisper